glorycloud's Diaryland Diary


I have rejected myself

I have rejected myself

No one is home but me and the dog. I ate a big bowl of strawberry shortcake with three scoops of ice cream. Bethany is at work and Carol went to visit a friend. I am too out of it to look at my books. So here I sit in front of my computer reading stuff and waiting to go to bed. At work today I mainly replayed in my mind what was said last night at church to Randy Y. and Jim V.. I can't right now remember what else was on my mind at work today. At times I thought of telling Phin what was on my mind but he would not understand any of it. We both live on different planets. I sometimes tell Phin what is on my mind just to break the monotony. The other day I at work I was recalling when I lived in Calif. in a small town called Crockett that was under a bridge. I worked the grave yard shift at a 7-11 store in Vellejo near Crockett. After working (smoking weed) all night I would head home, but before going to my small apartment I would stop for breakfast. I would stop at a small diner for a bowl of oatmeal and tea. I remember that there was this pretty waitress that worked at this diner. One morning as I sat there smoking my pipe and finishing my tea I noticed this woman giving me a look that said "Ask me out for a date". I could have ask the girl her name and then asked if she like to go out sometime but at that time in my life I was already involved with several women. I had no more time for another woman in my life. But I have often wonder what if I had asked that pretty woman out for a date what would have happened? I told Phin maybe we would have fallen in love and we would have gotten married. I would have found out this girl's parents were super rich. Soon after we were married my wife's parents died in a plane wreck in South America. We inherited millions of dollars and moved to a small estate on the coast of France where we lived many years collecting modern art and raising one child a girl named Ann. Ann grew up to become a Professor of Modern Literature and got a teaching post in a Ivy league school in Vermont USA. We decided to move back to the States and got a penthouse in New York City Manhattan. I told Phin that sadly one day my wife was out walking the poodle and was killed when a car hit her as she chased the dog across a busy street. After I buried my wife of 40 years I moved to Vermont to be close to my only daughter Ann. Ann never married, but had a house full of cats and old books. One day I told Phin I decided life had become too lonely so I hiked out into the woods and crawled into a bear cave and shot myself in the head. The bears found my dead body in their cave and they ate me. I then became bear crap. I shared this daydream with Phin to reveal to him what goes through my mind as I stand all day feeding eggs into the egg processing machine.

9:44 p.m. - 2003-03-17


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