glorycloud's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have given up trying to make sense of my life It is in the flow of existence of me here in West Michigan 8:08 PM Wednesday night. I have been listening to music and reading from a book titled, "The Good And Beautiful Community: Following The Spirit, Extending Grace, Demonstrating Love" by James Bryan Smith. I bought this used book at Bibles For Mexico Thrift Shop this morning. I saw this used book yesterday, but did not buy it because I have a TON of books on Christian Spirituality/Formation. But today I went back and bought it because I wanted to read how Smith set forth practically how we as Christians live in End Time Communities or churches. I do not have a New Covenant community to practice Christian discipleship presently. When I talk to people I usually mention we go to Covenant PCA even though I have not been to this church for a long time. My wife is a member of this church so I count it as our church. Many years ago I attended this church for a short period of time, but left because I found it depressing. I do better spiritually outside a church. I found church attendance heart breaking/too painful. I sometimes think my last job broke my spirit. My last job I think in some ways damaged me for the rest of my life. I also think my last church experience damaged me spiritually. But I believe in divine healing. I believe in the grace of God. So why all the fear and pain I still feel when thinking of going to a church building on Sundays. It is sad there is no one to go for answers to my questions. Well I could pray to the Lord Jesus and lay my questions before Him before the throne of grace. In the end I bow to the mystery of it all. I have given up trying to make sense of my life. My wife and I are living a Christian life. I love the Lord and so does my wife. We both seek to please the Lord in all things. I did get around to mowing the lawn. Carol got up early and I decided around 4:30 PM to mow the lawn this evening instead of tomorrow. So I mowed our lawn and pulled some weeds around our property. I spent most of the afternoon wandering the house and reading from a book titled, "The Lord Of History: Reflections on the Inner Meaning of History" by Jean Danielou, S.J.. There is nothing on TV worth watching this evening. So I have been listening to music and looking at my books. Tomorrow is a Thursday. Existence keeps speeding by! "[13] And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. music: Akkord 'HTH035' 8:31 p.m. - 2015-05-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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