glorycloud's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- feeling old feeling old It is a Monday morning and we soon leave for work. It is another hot day outside-I am tired as usual as I go off to the egg pit-as I was sitting waiting to go out the door I was thinking about feeling old-lately I tell Carol "I feel old inside" I wonder what do I mean I feel old inside? What is that feeling I am feeling that is different from the past? What does it mean to feel old? I feel heavy inside more than I have in the past-more slow and not quick-I feel tired-maybe feeling old means feeling worn out from the passing of time? I woke up this morning feeling sore all over-my body aches these days-my body is going on being 50 years old-my body is not young like Josiah's-I do not feel bad about feeling old-I do not envy the young-I also think being old for me is being serious all the time-I do not feel light hearted these days-life for me is work-I do not enjoy life-life for me is a struggle-a war-a battle-a test of endurance-I look to the Lord for the grace to exist-to wage war-to keep going down the road of death-well it is time to go to work. the Messianic Secret It is 5:56 PM Monday evening-Josiah and I had a normal Monday at work-we got home late because we stopped and got a milk shake and then to the bank so Josiah could get some cash-we were home by 4:30 PM-nothing came in the mail for me-Carol was up cooking dinner when I got home-I cleaned up and put away what I wrote at work in my June 2002 diary-wrote down my work hours-then I messed with the computer till dinner time-we ate dinner at 5 o'clock-Bethany came home-Josiah had left around 4:45 PM to visit a friend in Grand Rapids-so existence is flowing by-so here I sit wasted from work with a full belly a sore body listening to the Microphones-I hear Bethany and Carol talking at the dinner table-Bethany started a new job today. Last night I barely remember-I spent Sunday afternoon reading stuff on New Covenant Theology-during the evening hours I wandered the house-Carol went to Messiah's for the evening worship service-Josiah and Bethany stayed home-I read during the evening hours my new commentary on the Gospel of Mark and some of the book "Isaiah's New Exodus in Mark" by Rikkie E. Watts-I went to bed around 10:30 PM. At work today I had the same old crap floating around my mind space-I have no plans for the evening hours tonight-Carol is off tonight-well I will close to feel worn out. I will close quoting from the Gospel of Mark chapter 8:27-38 (I studied these verses last night for late night devotions) "27: And Jesus went out, and his disciples, into the towns of Caesarea Philippi: and by the way he asked his disciples, saying unto them, Whom do men say that I am? 28: And they answered, John the Baptist: but some say, Elias; and others, One of the prophets. 29: And he saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am? And Peter answereth and saith unto him, Thou art the Christ. 30: And he charged them that they should tell no man of him. 31: And he began to teach them, that the Son of man must suffer many things, and be rejected of the elders, and of the chief priests, and scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. 32: And he spake that saying openly. And Peter took him, and began to rebuke him. 33: But when he had turned about and looked on his disciples, he rebuked Peter, saying, Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men. 34: And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 35: For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it. 36: For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? 37: Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? 38: Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels." Mark 8:27-38 6:20 p.m. - 2002-06-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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