glorycloud's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- be real and do not worry about being liked by the mob be real and do not worry about being liked by the mob It is going on 5 o'clock early Saturday evening. A cold dreary day in my Life. I have done nothing today worth mentioning to strangers. I basically have read my books, wandered the house and slept. I could not get into college football today. I have been reading this afternoon "The Holy Spirit" by Bloesch. Carol was gone off and on today doing errands. Now she is taking a nap. At 5:30 Pm Bethany has to be picked up at where she works. Nothing came in the mail today to make me feel like an american hero. Now I am messing with my computer listening to the new Sixteen Horsepower CD "Folklore"-the house is cold. I have no plans for the evening hours. Existence keeps going by. This week at work on Wednesday I got into a intense discussion with the two guys I work with-Joe and Phin Lo. Joe is around 34 years old half Mexican and half Indian-he is married to a tiny Mexican woman and has three kids. This discussion got going because I got sick of hearing Phin Lo and Joe complaining about their jobs-the lack of pay-I also am not happy with my job or my wages but I only complain about these facts in my mind or my diary. I told Joe the reason I work at the egg pit is because there is nothing else for me to do in this world-to me my life is over and I am waiting for retirement or to completely drop out. My wife often asks me what would I do if I was to quit my job? I would try to find a part-time job here in Holland and live a quiet life-take long walks, grow old, read my books and wait for death. I would like to travel, but is there anything to SEE in the dead american world that I have not seen on television or in books? What I really want to SEE is God in heaven-I want to before the throne of glory worshipping forever the King of Glory the Lord Jesus Christ. What I want is perfect assurance of salvation. What I want is to be a saint-a disciple of Christ-a fruit bearing Christian. I am not seeking anything in this world to bring fulfillment-true inner satisfaction. I know only God who is Perfect and fulfill my soul hunger-give me contentment. Only in Christ is peace-joy-love-reason to keep going down the road of death. So that is why I keep killing myself at the bottom of the egg pit. Work is a constantly Test of endurance. I just got to take one day of death at a time. If it gets too rough I know my wife would not get mad at me if I was to quit the egg pit-she knows the egg pit is a slow kill-has not concern for my well-being-happiness-spiritual development. When Phin Lo goes into one of his american dreams raps I tell him what he needs is to find a job that will pay the bills and feed him and his wife and use the rest of his time and energy to seek God-live a holy life. Why use your fleeting life to become a rich Chinese businessman? What is important is to died spiritually rich Not rich in material possessions. Well Joe and Phin Lo both think I am crazy-but I do not care. Phin Lo thinks it is odd that I do not care if he likes me. I could care less if the world likes me. I am not out to be a man pleaser. I will close to wait for darkness to come. 5:33 p.m. - 2002-10-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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