glorycloud's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- work week #428 work week # 428 It is 7:47 AM Sunday morning and I am waking up to another workweek. A cold winter morning outside, did not see any new snow on the ground this morning when I got the Sunday paper off the front porch. I have been reading this morning livejournals of my friends. I also wrote an e-mail to my friend in Texas. I received an e-mail note from Josiah this morning. He will be coming home on Wednesday for five days from Calvin College. It will be good to see him once again. Carol should be home from work soon. I got to wake up Bethany soon to tell her to get ready to go to church. Yesterday I did nothing on my day off. I basically wandered the house, sat in the living room enjoying the silence, watched some television and read a little. Every time I tried to read I would fall asleep. I would go off into a weird dream state every time I would close my eyes. My wife says I am full of anxiety. I do not feel anxious. I do feel freaked at seeing my life zoom by in a slow death pace. Am I ready to meet the Lord Jesus on the Day of Judgment? My life is so empty of anything. Where is the evidence I am on fire for God? All I do is work and come home from work exhausted. I am in a constant state of exhaustion. It is a miracle I get from one moment to the next. It must be the indwelling Holy Spirit that keeps me going. It must be the Lord that keeps me from going crazy. At times I can see myself standing on the edge of madness about to fall over, but the Lord keeps me sane in spite of the pain and exhaustion of being. So this morning Beth and I go to church to worship God. What does it mean to worship God? I go to church wondering what does it all mean? I sit in the church sanctuary listening to a sermon and singing Old Testaments psalms. Am I worshipping God when I am sitting there listening to a sermon preached in the Dutch Calvinistic Pietistic Theological Tradition? I sit in church from 9:30 AM till 10:55 AM, when it is over the morning service have I worshipped? Have I gotten closer to God? Have I experienced the fellowship of the saints? Has my life been radically changed? Will I feel happy Monday morning at the bottom of a winter cold dirty egg pit? I do not know? Well I need to go eat breakfast and wake up Bethany. 2:08 p.m. - 2002-01-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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