glorycloud's Diaryland Diary


hope against hope

It is 2:38 PM Friday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is another cold gray day. Maybe someday we will see sunlight once again. I hate to contemplate forever living in eternal darkness with the damned.

I got up this morning around 6:33 AM. When I got up I found my wife reading in our living room. I got out of the ice box a bottle of cold water and sat near my wife waking up to another day in the American Dream. I was thinking today that my life at this current moment is a dream life, meaning we are reaping all the fruits of a comfortable Christian middle class life. We live a wonderful life, it is like we are on a vacation. But I know in the back of my head the vacation is going to come to an end. Carol and I will die someday and then the vacation will be over. What waits for us after death is up to the Lord Jesus to decide. I know the doctrine of justification by faith, so I know I should be looking forward to dying and being with the Lord. We are not suppose to get comfortable in this life, but have a hunger for Heaven. I pray for perfect assurance of salvation all the time. Carol tells me I do not trust people, that I do not believe people are forth right.

So I got up this morning and around 7:04 AM I decided to fix a morning meal. Carol had already had a morning meal, so I fixed food only for myself. After breakfast I wrote in my paper diary and messed with our main computer. This morning I was in no mood to read anything so I basically did nothing till it was time for me to get dressed and go to the Book Nook to volunteer for a couple of hours.

Today our local library used books store The Book Nook was slow so I read from a book I read from last night also titled, 'The Impossible Exile: Stefan Zweig at the End of the World' by George Prochnik. At the Book Nook I bought these used books to add to our book collection-

'Carry Me Home: Birmingham, Alabama, The Climatic Battle of the Civil Rights Revolution' by Diane McWhorter

'Barnum: An American Life' biography by Robert Wilson

'Moscow Memoirs: Memories of Anna Akhmatova, Osip Mandelstam, and Literary Russia under Stalin' by Emma Gerstein

'Hope Against Hope' a memoir by Nadezhda Mandelstam Translated by Max Hayward

In the mail this afternoon I received two books I had ordered recently-

'The End Of Tsarist Russia-The March To World War I & Revolution' by Dominic Lieven

'Oranges & Peanuts For Sale' essays by Eliot Weinberger

Carol is sleeping this afternoon, because she goes back to work after being off three weeks. I suppose I will close to brush my teeth and stare into the Void.

3:02 p.m. - 2020-01-31


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