glorycloud's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- free me from the weight It is 8:26 AM a cold dreary Wednesday morning. Where is the sunshine and blue skies? I have been up since 5:30 AM this morning. When I got up I made myself a cup of tea and messed with my computer. Around 6:30 AM I went down in the basement to lay down in the dark and wait for daylight. I heard Carol leave for a class at the hospital around 7:30 AM. I came upstairs to morning dream and now I am writing in my blogs. I have nothing worth while to do today. Time will go by as usual. Soon it will all be over. Last night I watched television from 7:30 PM till 11 o'clock PM. I went to bed around 11 o'clock PM last night. I mainly read yesterday "The War Of The End Of The World" a novel by Mario Vargas Llosa. Carol and I took Rudy for a walk last night by Window On The Waterfront and then went to a grocery store. Carol wanted to buy some food for our trip to Boston Mass. next week to visit Caleb and Emily. I found out last night we will be in Boston for three nights. I really do not know much about this trip to Boston, because Carol has told me much about what we are going to do. I am basically going for the ride. I like being home. Here at home I can contain my pain in a comfortable space. I feel protected in my cell. In my cell I pray for mercy. Do you know what I contantly wish for? I wish for emptiness. I am tired of carrying weight. I am weighed down by stuff like books, CD's and diaries. I like to wake up in a cell that is empty of stuff. I want my cell to have simple furnishings like a couple of chairs, a plain wood table, bookshelves etc. . . I am surrounded by junk. I am surrounded by trash. All I see are reminders that I live in a fallen sin cursed middle-class american shit hole. O Lord give me a thankful spirit. Forgive me for being such a fat slop. Fill my mouth with words of weight and not stale hot air. I feel the weight of history pressing down on me. The weight of memories. The weight of growing old. I want to feel free of all this weight. There is no escape. I am weighed down by everything. Well I will close to wait for the final resurrection. music: Rocky Votolato "Makers" 8:50 a.m. - 2008-10-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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