glorycloud's Diaryland Diary

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I am of royal blood

I am of royal blood

It is 8:28 PM Wednesday and I am extremely depressed. I just got back from doing errands. It is a wet cold evening. I take comfort it is not snowing. I hate snow and ice weather! When I got home I found Beth gone and Carol taking a nap before going to work. I have nothing to write interesting. Work was a huge pain today. I prayed at work today for God take kill me, but here I am still in the land of the living (the living dead).

Nothing came in the mail for me today to make me feel happy and on top of the world. When I got home I found Carol cooking dinner. I cleaned up and checked for e-mail. Next we ate dinner and after dinner I left to do my errands. Existence keeps going by.

At work I was in too much pain to daydream. Work Bible Study on the Gospel of Mark went ok this morning. We looked at Mark 12 this morning mainly verses 28-34

"28: And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?

29: And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:

30: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

31: And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

32: And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he:

33: And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

34: And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. And no man after that durst ask him any question." Mark 12:28-34

At lunch break I was asked by one of the people in our Bible Study why do I go to church? I told him that I go to church because I would feel bad if I did not go. Carol would be upset if I did not go to church. I go to church because I am a Christian and I am a member of the Body of Christ. I go to church to worship God. I go to church because why stay home? I go to church because it is harmless. The fellow did not tell me why he goes to church on Sunday? I find church the most lonely place in the dead world. After I answered the fellow's question I felt pain in the middle of my chest being. I felt I had not given him a sound theological answer. I am no longer good at giving theological answers. I tell the fellow if he wanted a proper answer to his question on why we should go to church to ask his minister. A minister must give a good answer because if people did not go to church he would be out of a job. In talking to that fellow today at work I felt intensely how alone I am in the church. I suppose that knowledge added to my feeling of depression. No one cares if I am depressed. Life goes on. Tomorrow will come and I will have to get up and go back to Egg Pit and suffer some more. There is no escape. Life can't get any better than this.

Well I will close to feel depressed. I have not read anything today. Last night I went to bed at 8 o'clock. I am beat.

9:42 p.m. - 2001-12-12

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